Is Life Distracting Me?

The notion that if you "focus too much on making a living you will forget to have a life" has been on my mind lately. The idea that to lead a happy or successful life you must check all the necessary boxes before you can enjoy the fruits of such a life you have built. By then your youth has escaped through the caverns that line your face and all you have left are your memories.

Life is the hill and trying to live is the boulder

Am I Sisyphus?

Your memories are of the painstaking work day in and day out , your nose down shoulders hunched inching yourself toward what would seem to be that happy comfortable life you strived for. What now that you have finally arrived? The boulder you have been rolling up the hill finally stops at the horizon. You are here.

At what cost?

I speak of things that are far beyond my worldview as I am still am in the midst of pushing my boulder up the hill. My nose down arms outstretched and aching, still wondering if I keep pushing will I finally see the horizon.

What if we stop pushing? would society grasp their pearls?

I want so dearly to look up from pushing my boulder that seems to grow in size everyday. Though I fear if i look up, I'll never go back to pushing my boulder ever again.

Where did this boulder come from and why am I pushing it? From a young age I have had many values instilled in my upbringing. Those of which many would call the ingredients to produce a well rounded human being. Those values have shaped the way I experience life and interact with others. Those values are what's kept me aggressively moving forward.

Is this act of making a life a distraction from just living?

All of the things we do everyday to make sure we can continue doing them tomorrow is blinding us to seeing the world as it stands today. logically speaking we are humans on this planet and our primary objectives are to stay alive and to reproduce. To insure the lineage of the human race lives on.

But we have something that other mammals on this planet don't have. The ability to ask why. To call into question our existence and the meaning behind why we do what we do. This idea that there is more to life than just being alive. More than just being comfortable and well fed.

This line of questioning invites more than just philosophical truth, it brings fear and emptiness. The idea that there is no altruistic meaning, that we are just animals that have developed a heightened sense of life. We have designed society to keep our existence going. To ensure humans survive despite our environment and despite ourselves. Due to our inquisitive nature we must have something to live for.

A Purpose.

Without that would invite anarchy.

I am an anarchist within my own mind. I am attempting to look up from my boulder rest my arms and peer at the horizon I yearn for. Instead stands a mirror image. Though she doesn't quite look the same, her face is twisted and eyes are piercing. Has she been pushing back this entire time?

Until I deal with her I am destined to be Sisyphus, eternally pushing my boulder uphill only to find it rolling back on nearing the top.